Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
