I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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