Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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