Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
