life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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