and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
