she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
