I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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