You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to get me chipped asap
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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