I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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