4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
