I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
