my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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