Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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