im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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