Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
