and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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