Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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