bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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