He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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