um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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