Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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