So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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