In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's the barista slut.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
