I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
