I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
