i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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