I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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