Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
