I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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