At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
