the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
