I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
