What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
