so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
