im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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