Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
