is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
did i walk over a car last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
