All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
