I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
