remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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