So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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