This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
