Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
