Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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