Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
