I just pynch a tree in the face
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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