shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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