You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
