also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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