i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
