I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
