i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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