My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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