Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
