why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
