Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
