Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
